i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
