R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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