i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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