I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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