K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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