i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
