I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
