she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I checked into jail on foursquare
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
