You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
