I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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