her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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