I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My liver just broke up with me...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
