i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
