Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
