Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry heatherwho hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(989): View more from Michigan

Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

New invention idea: vibrating tampons

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(269): View more from Michigan

After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.

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(+44): View more from England

Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.

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(480): View more from Arizona

This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi

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(443): View more from Maryland

Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.

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(541): View more from Oregon

you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her

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