There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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