Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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