A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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