im having a threesome with these popsicles
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She bit a glass in half.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
