dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
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I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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