Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.