ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
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We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.