I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
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