Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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