I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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