We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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