God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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