I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
