Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
