You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
