While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
