I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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