im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
