I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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