I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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