his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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