im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
