We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
