She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
