Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
