I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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