I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
