you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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