Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You did what with his pubic hair?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
