I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
