Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
