Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
