I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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