Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
