i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
