im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
