i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
