Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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