Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
