I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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