Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
