All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
