remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Text me some of your sweat
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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