i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
