This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
