Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
