People in love make me want to vomit
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
