she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
