I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
