There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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