He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
